The Greatest 48 Hours of Television...Ever?: Part I
These are my running thoughts during Saturday and Sunday's monumental day of television. I'll follow this up with a log on Monday, too. For any of you not wanting to be spoiled about the WWE Hall of Fame Festivities, Tribe-White Sox, Wrestlemania 22, Episode 4 of The Sopranos, 24, WWE Raw, NCAA Basketball Title Game, and Pride FC: Bushido 10, please stop reading.
12:11 A.M. WWE Hall of Fame
Wow, that was surreal. I just wrapped up the 2006 WWE Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony on USA. Chavo, Benoit, and Rey Rey were all fantastic in their praise of the late Eddie Guerrero. This may seem a bit self-interested, but the thing I will remember/miss the most about the guy is that he just never worked a bad match. He could carry a Batista, Big Slow, or younger competitor into an entertaining bout full of humor and solid storytelling regardless of anything else.
But the big experience of the nite was the return of Bret Hart to a WWE event. Even though he resembled Ozzy Osbourne on the tail end of a binger, it was great to see the "Hitman" again. He even thanked the McMahons. Of course, seeing Hart and Steve Austin on stage brought back memories of my personal favorite match ever: Stone Cold vs. Hart from WrestleMania 13. The match had everything that makes wrestling good: extreme violence, blood, fantastic storytelling, mat wrestling, foreign objects, submission grappling, intrigue, a new superstar (referee Ken Shamrock), and the perfect finish (Stone Cold as the "loser" who passed out from excessive blood loss and pain in the Sharpshooter, was thrust into the spotlight as the greatest face in wrestling history.).
For those of you who haven't been following Bret since his WCW days, his career ended following an injury from an errant Bill Goldberg kick. This led to further complications, including post-concussion syndrome, when Bret rushed back from the injury. Then, in 2002, Bret suffered a severe stroke after another head injury following a motorcycle accident.
Although hoping for a run-in during Vince-HBK is probably too much to ask, just having some closure from Bret's end and getting a quality DVD on the market featuring his greatest matches is as much as wrestling fans can expect from his ego (and Vince's).
7:21 P.M. Carlito/Chris Masters vs. Kane/Big Show
Kane gets the pinfall on Carlito after a Chokeslam in a short match.
7:40 P.M. Money in the Bank
I had some viewing issues, but now I'm back watching the Money in the Bank #1 Contender Match. JR is a welcome voice on the PBP. Shelton and RVD have dominated the entertainment. I'm pretty sure Lashley isn't coordinated enough to climb a ladder. Rob Van Dam scores the W following a nasty bump taken by Benjamin and Matt Hardy. Good Match. Chicago hasn't forgotten ECW.
7:46 P.M. Hall of Fame Segment
The Fink mentioned Bret Hart didn't feel comfortable attending tonite's festivities. Wait, Tony Atlas is in the Hall of Fame? That reminds me of Saba Simba, or as I call it, the most stereotypically racist character in wrestling history (and that's saying a lot).
8:02 P.M JBL vs. Chris Benoit
JBL vs. Benoit was ok. Man, Jillian Hall's body is a 10. The gimmick of having a massive mole on her cheek (later eaten off by The Boogeyman) really capitalized on her sex appeal. JBL wins the U.S. Title by rolling through the Crippler Crossface into a pin aided by the typical heel rope grab.
8:14 P.M. Tribe vs. White Sox, first pitch
The 2006 Baseball season is underway. Grady took the first pitch for a ball. Go Tribe!
8:23 P.M. Mick Foley vs. Edge
Mick Foley vs. Edge is next. I think Edge is a superstar on the rise. And I'm a sucker for high spots and Foley in general. This hardcore patch should be the best bout on the card. Foley wrapped himself before the match in barbed wire. Edge's Spear subsequently backfired. I hope Mick grinds Barby on Lita's forehead.
Barby onto Foley's head! After a facebuster onto barbed wire, blood gushes everywhere. Belly to back suplex of Edge onto the thumb tacks. Mandible Claw with barbed wire on Mr. Socko to Edge then Lita! Barby drop onto Edge. Spear of Foley through a table lit on fire, and Edge gets the 1-2-3. That was a disturbing and graphic affair. I loved it!
8:39 P.M. Booker T vs. Boogeyman
Booker T is up next against the worm guy. Why is Sharmell in this match? I personally think Boogeyman's character sucks. He can't work at all. I'm sure Booker will do the job because Vince pushes any bodybuilder who gets a pop in his first bout.
There's so much fog that I can barely see the match. That's probably a good thing with Boogey working. But why doesn't WWE test this shit beforehand? Sharmell gets kissed with worms, and Booker gets pinned after a weak two-handed chokeslam. The crowd is predictably silent.
8:54 P.M. Trish Stratus vs. Mickie James
Trish Stratus vs. Mickie James should be ok. Trish is obviously "my style." Mickie did a great job with her heel turn and the bloody nose. I enjoyed this quote by JR opening the match.
"She may be a little old for you, King. She's in her early twenties."
For those of you who don't know, Lawler was accused of statutory rape and sodomy in the early 1990's. It turned out to be a bogus accusation drummed up by the girl's parents. But I liked the bit, regardless.
This match is kind of hot. Trish looks amazing in black. The crowd is actually cheering for Mickie. Trish gets booed after a headscissors! Mickie botches the Stratusfaction spot. The crowd lets her know by chanting, "You fucked up!" Mickie wins with the Chick Kick. It was an excellent bout, actually, until the butchered Stratusfaction.
8:59 P.M. White Sox Take a 3-0 Lead
Well, a poorly played line drive by "The Heartbreak Kid" Jason Michaels just led to two Sox runs. Take a good angle! I really think we need to upgrade at both corner OF spots if we expect to win this season.
Great. C.C.'s fat ass is coming out of the game. I should get into my rant on baseball players being lazy pieces of shit (the underachievers, not Bonds, Clemens, et. al, obviously). It looks like he strained his obby, back or pectoral (seriously). What a joke. Fucking run and do situps if you're getting paid millions to perform an activity that requires basic physical conditioning. Can I go back and switch my AL Central winner to the Pale Hose?
Danny Graves is in. I want to gnaw my own arm off. It looks like we'll be hoping Kaz Tadano can come in and tear up some asses (pun intended) this season.
9:14 P.M. Undertaker vs. Mark Henry
Undertaker should be stuffing Mark Henry's bloated corpse into the casket in about 10 minutes. Well, it took about 16. Undertaker with a plancha on Henry? That was slightly better than expected. Tombstone and a roll into the casket. Undertaker is 14-0 all-time at WrestleMania.
9:20 P.M. Tribe ties the game, 3-3
Victor rips one off of the wall. Pronk scores on a weird hop. Eazy Eddie Perez DESTROYS an inside fastball off of Buerhle making it 3-3. It looks like my boys have some heart. Rain delay?
9:42 P.M. Shawn Michaels vs. Vince McMahon
HBK had better not job to Vince. His skin looks absurdly orange from the tanning bed. That's just gross. You're 60. Here comes the Spirit Squad. At least two of these guys are legitimately good wrestlers, but this gimmick is horrendous. Michaels is lashing the hell out of Vince with a belt. That has to be satisfying. Shane O'Mac with a kendo stick to the back as HBK is tuning up the band.
Vince has the advantage. So naturally, he unbuttons his pants and they try to get Shawn to kiss Vince's bare ass. Shawn reverses it and makes Shane kiss his ass then low blows Vince. Stiff cane shots on a handcuffed Shane. Brutal unprotected chairshot to Vince! Shawn tunes up the band and stops to get a ladder from under the ring. Unprotected ladder shot to Vince's skull. Vince is bleeding everywhere. Shawn is getting a table. Vince is on the table. Shawn climbs the ladder prepared to pounce and stops to get a longer ladder. Shawn does the crotch chop and elbows Vince off the ladder, onto a garbage can, through the table. Sweet Chin Music! 1-2-3. Shawn Michaels DESTROYS Vince McMahon. Well, none of the boys can ever say Vince wouldn't take the bumps he may challenge them to take.
10:07 P.M. Randy Orton vs. Kurt Angle vs. Rey Mysterio
Angle opens the bout by suplexing Orton and Mysterio all over the ring. RKO on Angle. Angle belly-to-belly on Orton from the top rope. Seated senton splash on Angle. Angle Slam on Orton. Mysterio reverses the Angle Slam and armdrags Angle out of the ring. 619 on Randy Orton. Mysterio with the West Coast Pop on Orton for the 1-2-3! Rey Mysterio is the new WWE Champion.
That was really fast and an abrupt ending. I know they put Mysterio over for Eddie, but wow, that match was really short and could've been a lot more entertaining considering the talent levels of all three participants. What's the hurry? There are still 54 minutes left on the ppv and one match remaining. I'd imagine Rey will be dropping the strap to Orton at the next Smackdown! ppv.
10:19 P. M. Candice Michelle vs. Torrie Wilson
Whoops, I forgot about this "match." I guess it's a bring-down match from Main Event 1. Lillian, Candice is not from Boise, Torrie is. Torrie is clearly more up my alley, but Candice Michelle looks amazing. Barring an unlikely nip slip, this match should be quite uneventful.
Torrie's dog, Chloe (whose name JR forgot) with the kiss to Candice. There goes Candice's gown. Hmmm, maybe Jillian's body is only a 9.5. The crowd chants, "Boring!" Torrie's dress is off. Apparently I'm the only one who cares. Torrie wins with a rollup. I don't think any pillows were even used in this "pillow fight." They didn't even show any good close-ups of Torrie. That was a waste of time. Let's get this main event started.
10:40 P.M. John Cena vs. Triple H
This is going to be interesting. The crowd will be booing the hell out of Cena. Hopefully the match is booked accordingly. Why is Cena "the most controversial champion ever," JR? That's a bizarre statement. I may give Iraqi sympathizer Sgt. Slaughter that honor, but what do I know?
Trips comes out dressed like a member of a Germanic tribe in 350 A.D. to a strange Motorhead song which then switches to his normal theme. He looks like a supremely confident individual. You'd think he'd just knocked up the boss's daughter or something. Oh wait.
Cena comes out with a strange introduction referencing Capone and the bootleggers. The crowd is all boos. Cena shoots a fake tommy gun. Neat? Let's start the fucking match, guys.
Hammerlocks and tests of strengths to open the bout. Trips shoves Cena around to crowd applause. Back and forth brawling which would make Sid Vicious proud.
Triple H kicks out of an F-U. Cena kicks out of a Pedigree. Sledgehammer to the head for a two-count. Cena wins with the STFU after a series of reversals in the middle of the ring. I had posted a thorough, move-by-move description of the last 5 minutes of the match, but the power outage just zapped that.
I give Wrestlemania 22 a 5.5 / 10. The MITB Ladder Match and Triple Threat match disappointed me. As I expected, Foley-Edge was the only bout that rose to WM quality. Trish-Mickie also put forth a nice effort until the blown finish. We'll see how they move Cena's character from here.
1:01 A.M. The Sopranos, Season 6, Episode 4
I actually really enjoyed this week's episode. It was a little low on action but high on the acting and plot development. Paulie was at his funniest. The Schwinn neighbor and Pastor did a nice job of expaining evolution/creationism and Tony's struggle with salvation and pragmatism. It will be interesting to see whether the Barone Construction strife is the powder keg for a Vito backstab and NY-NJ conflict. In any event, Sack is going to be more ambitious with Tony on the shelf.
12:11 A.M. WWE Hall of Fame
Wow, that was surreal. I just wrapped up the 2006 WWE Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony on USA. Chavo, Benoit, and Rey Rey were all fantastic in their praise of the late Eddie Guerrero. This may seem a bit self-interested, but the thing I will remember/miss the most about the guy is that he just never worked a bad match. He could carry a Batista, Big Slow, or younger competitor into an entertaining bout full of humor and solid storytelling regardless of anything else.
But the big experience of the nite was the return of Bret Hart to a WWE event. Even though he resembled Ozzy Osbourne on the tail end of a binger, it was great to see the "Hitman" again. He even thanked the McMahons. Of course, seeing Hart and Steve Austin on stage brought back memories of my personal favorite match ever: Stone Cold vs. Hart from WrestleMania 13. The match had everything that makes wrestling good: extreme violence, blood, fantastic storytelling, mat wrestling, foreign objects, submission grappling, intrigue, a new superstar (referee Ken Shamrock), and the perfect finish (Stone Cold as the "loser" who passed out from excessive blood loss and pain in the Sharpshooter, was thrust into the spotlight as the greatest face in wrestling history.).
For those of you who haven't been following Bret since his WCW days, his career ended following an injury from an errant Bill Goldberg kick. This led to further complications, including post-concussion syndrome, when Bret rushed back from the injury. Then, in 2002, Bret suffered a severe stroke after another head injury following a motorcycle accident.
Although hoping for a run-in during Vince-HBK is probably too much to ask, just having some closure from Bret's end and getting a quality DVD on the market featuring his greatest matches is as much as wrestling fans can expect from his ego (and Vince's).
7:21 P.M. Carlito/Chris Masters vs. Kane/Big Show
Kane gets the pinfall on Carlito after a Chokeslam in a short match.
7:40 P.M. Money in the Bank
I had some viewing issues, but now I'm back watching the Money in the Bank #1 Contender Match. JR is a welcome voice on the PBP. Shelton and RVD have dominated the entertainment. I'm pretty sure Lashley isn't coordinated enough to climb a ladder. Rob Van Dam scores the W following a nasty bump taken by Benjamin and Matt Hardy. Good Match. Chicago hasn't forgotten ECW.
7:46 P.M. Hall of Fame Segment
The Fink mentioned Bret Hart didn't feel comfortable attending tonite's festivities. Wait, Tony Atlas is in the Hall of Fame? That reminds me of Saba Simba, or as I call it, the most stereotypically racist character in wrestling history (and that's saying a lot).
8:02 P.M JBL vs. Chris Benoit
JBL vs. Benoit was ok. Man, Jillian Hall's body is a 10. The gimmick of having a massive mole on her cheek (later eaten off by The Boogeyman) really capitalized on her sex appeal. JBL wins the U.S. Title by rolling through the Crippler Crossface into a pin aided by the typical heel rope grab.
8:14 P.M. Tribe vs. White Sox, first pitch
The 2006 Baseball season is underway. Grady took the first pitch for a ball. Go Tribe!
8:23 P.M. Mick Foley vs. Edge
Mick Foley vs. Edge is next. I think Edge is a superstar on the rise. And I'm a sucker for high spots and Foley in general. This hardcore patch should be the best bout on the card. Foley wrapped himself before the match in barbed wire. Edge's Spear subsequently backfired. I hope Mick grinds Barby on Lita's forehead.
Barby onto Foley's head! After a facebuster onto barbed wire, blood gushes everywhere. Belly to back suplex of Edge onto the thumb tacks. Mandible Claw with barbed wire on Mr. Socko to Edge then Lita! Barby drop onto Edge. Spear of Foley through a table lit on fire, and Edge gets the 1-2-3. That was a disturbing and graphic affair. I loved it!
8:39 P.M. Booker T vs. Boogeyman
Booker T is up next against the worm guy. Why is Sharmell in this match? I personally think Boogeyman's character sucks. He can't work at all. I'm sure Booker will do the job because Vince pushes any bodybuilder who gets a pop in his first bout.
There's so much fog that I can barely see the match. That's probably a good thing with Boogey working. But why doesn't WWE test this shit beforehand? Sharmell gets kissed with worms, and Booker gets pinned after a weak two-handed chokeslam. The crowd is predictably silent.
8:54 P.M. Trish Stratus vs. Mickie James
Trish Stratus vs. Mickie James should be ok. Trish is obviously "my style." Mickie did a great job with her heel turn and the bloody nose. I enjoyed this quote by JR opening the match.
"She may be a little old for you, King. She's in her early twenties."
For those of you who don't know, Lawler was accused of statutory rape and sodomy in the early 1990's. It turned out to be a bogus accusation drummed up by the girl's parents. But I liked the bit, regardless.
This match is kind of hot. Trish looks amazing in black. The crowd is actually cheering for Mickie. Trish gets booed after a headscissors! Mickie botches the Stratusfaction spot. The crowd lets her know by chanting, "You fucked up!" Mickie wins with the Chick Kick. It was an excellent bout, actually, until the butchered Stratusfaction.
8:59 P.M. White Sox Take a 3-0 Lead
Well, a poorly played line drive by "The Heartbreak Kid" Jason Michaels just led to two Sox runs. Take a good angle! I really think we need to upgrade at both corner OF spots if we expect to win this season.
Great. C.C.'s fat ass is coming out of the game. I should get into my rant on baseball players being lazy pieces of shit (the underachievers, not Bonds, Clemens, et. al, obviously). It looks like he strained his obby, back or pectoral (seriously). What a joke. Fucking run and do situps if you're getting paid millions to perform an activity that requires basic physical conditioning. Can I go back and switch my AL Central winner to the Pale Hose?
Danny Graves is in. I want to gnaw my own arm off. It looks like we'll be hoping Kaz Tadano can come in and tear up some asses (pun intended) this season.
9:14 P.M. Undertaker vs. Mark Henry
Undertaker should be stuffing Mark Henry's bloated corpse into the casket in about 10 minutes. Well, it took about 16. Undertaker with a plancha on Henry? That was slightly better than expected. Tombstone and a roll into the casket. Undertaker is 14-0 all-time at WrestleMania.
9:20 P.M. Tribe ties the game, 3-3
Victor rips one off of the wall. Pronk scores on a weird hop. Eazy Eddie Perez DESTROYS an inside fastball off of Buerhle making it 3-3. It looks like my boys have some heart. Rain delay?
9:42 P.M. Shawn Michaels vs. Vince McMahon
HBK had better not job to Vince. His skin looks absurdly orange from the tanning bed. That's just gross. You're 60. Here comes the Spirit Squad. At least two of these guys are legitimately good wrestlers, but this gimmick is horrendous. Michaels is lashing the hell out of Vince with a belt. That has to be satisfying. Shane O'Mac with a kendo stick to the back as HBK is tuning up the band.
Vince has the advantage. So naturally, he unbuttons his pants and they try to get Shawn to kiss Vince's bare ass. Shawn reverses it and makes Shane kiss his ass then low blows Vince. Stiff cane shots on a handcuffed Shane. Brutal unprotected chairshot to Vince! Shawn tunes up the band and stops to get a ladder from under the ring. Unprotected ladder shot to Vince's skull. Vince is bleeding everywhere. Shawn is getting a table. Vince is on the table. Shawn climbs the ladder prepared to pounce and stops to get a longer ladder. Shawn does the crotch chop and elbows Vince off the ladder, onto a garbage can, through the table. Sweet Chin Music! 1-2-3. Shawn Michaels DESTROYS Vince McMahon. Well, none of the boys can ever say Vince wouldn't take the bumps he may challenge them to take.
10:07 P.M. Randy Orton vs. Kurt Angle vs. Rey Mysterio
Angle opens the bout by suplexing Orton and Mysterio all over the ring. RKO on Angle. Angle belly-to-belly on Orton from the top rope. Seated senton splash on Angle. Angle Slam on Orton. Mysterio reverses the Angle Slam and armdrags Angle out of the ring. 619 on Randy Orton. Mysterio with the West Coast Pop on Orton for the 1-2-3! Rey Mysterio is the new WWE Champion.
That was really fast and an abrupt ending. I know they put Mysterio over for Eddie, but wow, that match was really short and could've been a lot more entertaining considering the talent levels of all three participants. What's the hurry? There are still 54 minutes left on the ppv and one match remaining. I'd imagine Rey will be dropping the strap to Orton at the next Smackdown! ppv.
10:19 P. M. Candice Michelle vs. Torrie Wilson
Whoops, I forgot about this "match." I guess it's a bring-down match from Main Event 1. Lillian, Candice is not from Boise, Torrie is. Torrie is clearly more up my alley, but Candice Michelle looks amazing. Barring an unlikely nip slip, this match should be quite uneventful.
Torrie's dog, Chloe (whose name JR forgot) with the kiss to Candice. There goes Candice's gown. Hmmm, maybe Jillian's body is only a 9.5. The crowd chants, "Boring!" Torrie's dress is off. Apparently I'm the only one who cares. Torrie wins with a rollup. I don't think any pillows were even used in this "pillow fight." They didn't even show any good close-ups of Torrie. That was a waste of time. Let's get this main event started.
10:40 P.M. John Cena vs. Triple H
This is going to be interesting. The crowd will be booing the hell out of Cena. Hopefully the match is booked accordingly. Why is Cena "the most controversial champion ever," JR? That's a bizarre statement. I may give Iraqi sympathizer Sgt. Slaughter that honor, but what do I know?
Trips comes out dressed like a member of a Germanic tribe in 350 A.D. to a strange Motorhead song which then switches to his normal theme. He looks like a supremely confident individual. You'd think he'd just knocked up the boss's daughter or something. Oh wait.
Cena comes out with a strange introduction referencing Capone and the bootleggers. The crowd is all boos. Cena shoots a fake tommy gun. Neat? Let's start the fucking match, guys.
Hammerlocks and tests of strengths to open the bout. Trips shoves Cena around to crowd applause. Back and forth brawling which would make Sid Vicious proud.
Triple H kicks out of an F-U. Cena kicks out of a Pedigree. Sledgehammer to the head for a two-count. Cena wins with the STFU after a series of reversals in the middle of the ring. I had posted a thorough, move-by-move description of the last 5 minutes of the match, but the power outage just zapped that.
I give Wrestlemania 22 a 5.5 / 10. The MITB Ladder Match and Triple Threat match disappointed me. As I expected, Foley-Edge was the only bout that rose to WM quality. Trish-Mickie also put forth a nice effort until the blown finish. We'll see how they move Cena's character from here.
1:01 A.M. The Sopranos, Season 6, Episode 4
I actually really enjoyed this week's episode. It was a little low on action but high on the acting and plot development. Paulie was at his funniest. The Schwinn neighbor and Pastor did a nice job of expaining evolution/creationism and Tony's struggle with salvation and pragmatism. It will be interesting to see whether the Barone Construction strife is the powder keg for a Vito backstab and NY-NJ conflict. In any event, Sack is going to be more ambitious with Tony on the shelf.
posted by The Eminent Gadfly at 5:30 PM
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