Natalee's Still Shark Bait
I'm really sick of the Natalee Holloway story. Nevermind the fact that it's only been a news story for 10 months because she looks like a squad leader in the Hitler Youth. The real reason is because any reasonable viewer knows what happened and is tired of these boring retreads. Greta Van Newjaw really needs to stop with the tabloid reporting.
Natalee was drinking with Joran that nite. Please stop denying this or playing stupid, Beth Twitty (aptly named). Natty then either willingly took X or was unknowingly drugged (not really relevant). Afterwards, she was mauled by Joran and the creepy Indian brothers. Regardless of the torrid details, I don't see consent being likely. I'd imagine she either overdosed or struggled with the boys. They panicked and either struck her or she lost consciousness. At this point, daddy was called. She was likely buried in the vast sand dunes (which still haven't been thoroughly searched?). Then, when the ever-so-wise Aruba PD arrested the first two black guys they saw (figures) and gave them 48 long hours out of public scrutiny, Team Van Der Slut moved the body, chopped her to pieces, and fed what remained of blondie to the nearest sharks.
Why is it relevant that some investigator thinks the official cause of death was due to overdose rather than hitting her with a bat? It's still going to be manslaughter (or negligent homicide, at best), either way you slice it, Hansel. The best case scenario is that they forgot to chop her with a Jimmy John's meat slicer, and she's still in the dunes someplace. Even with a body, you have the same case. The boys left her on the beach and still lack the same character they did since the story broke. My solution is simple and painless: none of my future children may travel to Aruba or watch the first 20 minutes of Greta for as long as I shall live.
Natalee was drinking with Joran that nite. Please stop denying this or playing stupid, Beth Twitty (aptly named). Natty then either willingly took X or was unknowingly drugged (not really relevant). Afterwards, she was mauled by Joran and the creepy Indian brothers. Regardless of the torrid details, I don't see consent being likely. I'd imagine she either overdosed or struggled with the boys. They panicked and either struck her or she lost consciousness. At this point, daddy was called. She was likely buried in the vast sand dunes (which still haven't been thoroughly searched?). Then, when the ever-so-wise Aruba PD arrested the first two black guys they saw (figures) and gave them 48 long hours out of public scrutiny, Team Van Der Slut moved the body, chopped her to pieces, and fed what remained of blondie to the nearest sharks.
Why is it relevant that some investigator thinks the official cause of death was due to overdose rather than hitting her with a bat? It's still going to be manslaughter (or negligent homicide, at best), either way you slice it, Hansel. The best case scenario is that they forgot to chop her with a Jimmy John's meat slicer, and she's still in the dunes someplace. Even with a body, you have the same case. The boys left her on the beach and still lack the same character they did since the story broke. My solution is simple and painless: none of my future children may travel to Aruba or watch the first 20 minutes of Greta for as long as I shall live.
posted by The Eminent Gadfly at 12:56 AM
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