The "Consistent" 2007 Fantasy Baseball Year in Review

As promised, this will mark year two of my new tradition involving the recap of Fantasy Baseball. As most of you who know me realize, fantasy baseball is my favorite fantasy sport. It really rewards the micromanaging owner and provides neat twists like keepers but retains the drama and competitiveness that make all fantasy sports great.

This year was no different than last. The playoff race for 2nd-5th place came down to the last day of the season. There were no fewer than a dozen flip-flops of these places over the final two weeks of the season, including a 5 point slide by the Red Devils on the final four days of the season. Here's how the year ended:

1. Roger's 401K (KT)
2. Bo Diaz TV Repair (SE)
3. Red Devils (GP)
4. HGH Hustlas (DF)
5. Joey Belle's GPS (JC)
6. Quinatana's Kids (JB)
7. Gimme Sideways (MW)
8. Cletus Van Damme (JW)
9. Dunder Mifflin (PW)
10. No Doubters (JE)
11. HookupwitPinski2Nite (AR)

Now it's time for the season's awards!!!

Best Draft: Quintana's Kids (JB)

Wow, how did this guy not finish higher? He had the best player in the game (ARod, taken 5th overall), both All Star SP's, Jake Peavy and Dan Haren (Rounds 3 and 9, respectively), and some good late round value (Patterson, Kinsler, Dumpster). If not for the collapse of the back end of his rotation (Dontrelle, James, Sowers), demotion of several of his closers, and glaring weakness at SS, The Jesus would've been a favorite to win the league. This just shows how a solid draft is only one piece of a complex puzzle.

Worst Draft: No Doubters (JE)

Given his post-draft moves, it seems some serious DOUBT crept into the mind of JE. 2B Chase Utley (1), SP Roy Halladay (3), 3B Garrett Atkins (4), 3B Chipper Jones (6), SP Roger Clemens (10), OF Brad Hawpe (15), RP David Weathers (18), and SP Philip Hughes (23) were all dealt during the season. Additionally, Util Frank Thomas (7), SP John Patterson (11), OF Dave Roberts (12), and SP Freddy Garcia (14) were all dropped. SP Francisco Liriano (16) didn't throw a pitch, and 1B Travis Hafner (2) greatly underachieved. Finally, most glaring of all, no eligible 1B was drafted! This created an ugly mix of Shawn Green, Rich Aurilia, and Darin Erstad at 1B for the first third of the season and precluded one of his highest drafted bats (Hafner, Atkins, Chipper, or Thomas) from playing every single day.

All of this said, JE should be a better team in 2008 than in 2007, as he did deal his remaining talent for 7-8 solid keeper options throughout the year.

Best Draft Pick: 2B BJ Upton (21-GP)

Upton ended up the 4th best 2B and a Top 50 player. He was solid across the board in every single category... He has finally lived up to his hype and should be a great player and keeper for years to come.

Honorable Mentions: 2B Brandon Phillips (12-KT), 3B Alex Rodriguez (1-JB), SP Josh Beckett (10-DF), C Jorge Posada (11-KT), SP Erik Bedard (7-AR), SP Dan Haren (9-JB)

Worst Draft Pick: SP Chris Carpenter (3-SE)

Wow, Carpy provided less value out of a 3rd Round pick than Josh Hancock. Last year's NL Cy Young winner pitched exactly 6 innings before his elbow cracked. For owners who spent the high price Carpy commanded, it was literally impossible to compete in SP categories.

Dishonorable Mentions: 3B Scott Rolen (5-PW), OF Jason Bay (2-GP), SS Rafael Furcal (4-JC), 1B Richie Sexson (6-AR), SP Rich Harden (6-SE), SS Julio Lugo (7-JB), 3B Chad Tracy (8-GP), RP Billy Sadler (I still don't know who this is?) (17-KT)

Best Keeper: SS Hanley Ramirez (WW-SE)

This one is a no brainer. Hanley was the #2 rated player on the year and cost Bo Diaz as little as possible for any keeper (WW pickup from 2006). Hanley added some legitimate power to his already well-rounded repertoire to become one of the best players in baseball (yes, I know he's a shitty defensive player; I don't care). Hanley finished the year at... and was the best player on the 2nd best team in the league.

Honorable Mentions: 1B Prince Fielder (12-JC), OF Magglio Ordonez (14-PW), RP JJ Putz (WW-GP), OF Alex Rios (WW-AR), SP Cole Hamels (WW-SE), OF Matt Holliday (10-JB), 1B Justin Morneau (15-DF)

Worst Keeper: SP Jason Schmidt (8-JE)

Jason Schmidt's arm fell off this year. With an ERA over 6, one win, and a 1.79 WHIP, not only did Schmidt provide no value for JE, he was a detriment. Coming into 2008 off of major shoulder surgery at age 35, this may be the end of the road for the former Pirates phenom.

Dishonorable Mentions: RP BJ Ryan (6-SE), OF Vernon Wells (7-JB), SP Scott Olsen (WW-JC), SP Dave Bush (20-JC), OF Rocco Baldelli (23-DF)

Best Waiver Claim: 3B Ryan Braun (SE)

This was the difference between 5th Place and 2nd for Bo Diaz. After struggling through Morgan Ensberg, Hank Blalock, and Chad Tracy at 3B, the hapless TV repairman decided to give the prospect a try. Braun responded by hitting...

Some of you may wonder why Carlos Pena did not win this award. Overall, he certainly had a superior season to Eva Braun. However, KT understandably did not start playing him until he was about 17 HR into his supernatural season. As such, Braun (playing from day 1) added more value to his squad.

Honorable Mentions: 3B Mike Lowell (KT), 1B Carlos Pena (KT), OF Eric Byrnes (JE), SP Jamies Shields (SP), OF Hunter Pence (GP), RP Jeremy Accardo (JW), SP Yovani Gallardo (JC)

Worst Waiver Move: Dropping of Curtis Granderson (SE)

Granderson finally exploded into a well-rounded player this season. Curty still literally can't even hit the ball when facing southpaws, but did turn some of his line drives into HR's and reduced his K numbers to more respectable levels. Unbelievably, Granderson exploded for 23 Triples and 25 SB's after 9 and 8 of each last year!

SE opted to keep rookies Chris B. Young and slumping veterans Jermaine Dye and Andruw Jones over Grandy, and paid the price in rate categories as a result. Granderson should also be a solid keeper option for next season.

Dishonorable Mentions: Dropping of Brett Myers (PW), Dropping of Frank Thomas (JE), Dropping of Troy Tulowitzki (GP), Dropping of Corey Hart (JC)

Best Trade: SP John Maine (GP) for 3B Garrett Atkins and SP Roger Clemens (JE)

Maine was at his absolute peak value at the time of this trade. The only place to go was south. GP also had a glaring hole at 3B, being forced to start BJ Upton there after the utter bombing of 8th Round pick Chad Tracy. Atkins hit ... and Maine was ... the rest of the way out. This deal elevated the Red Devils in the power offensive categories, cementing a 3rd Place finish.

Worst Trade: TIE: 7th Pick (Entire Draft) (MW) for 10th Pick (Entire Draft) and a 9th Round Pick (JE); SPJeremy Bonderman (JW) for OF Brad Hawpe and SP Philip Hughes (JE)

The first trade of the season turned out to be the worst. On draft day, MW clamored to drop down while JE looked to move up. This seemed like the perfect recipe for an even swap. Unfortunately, MW missed out on the 1(b) tier of players (Utley, Cabrera, Ortiz) who all performed well relative to where they were chosen. JE nabbed Utley after moving up, and MW selected speedy but relatively soft-hitting OF Carl Crawford. The 9th Round pick turned out to be the rotting corpse of SP Randy Johnson. This was a perfect example of not needing change for the sake of change, and the lack of a powerful 1st Round bat plagued Gimme Sideways all season long.

Inclusion of the second trade was a difficult decision. It really didn't hurt either team in the short term, as neither one moved up or down in the standings. And over the long term, JE gained several better SP keeper options. However, two solid first year keepers for a poor second year keeper who fielded a staggering 8.75 ERA and just 1 Win for the No Doubters was just too much to ignore.

Most "Consistent" Player: 3B Mike Lowell (KT)

This award goes to an average white guy who performs above and beyond his projected median stats for the season. These players are typically overhyped and overpaid and will likely regress to mediocre levels in the following three season despite constantly be praised as hustlers, team players, or guys with "intangibles."

Nobody better fits this bill than Mike Lowell. His healthy testicle, coupled with the Green Monster and absurd lineup protection somehow yielded a career year at age 33. He exceeded his career AVG by 44 points and somehow mustered 120 RBI's. Look for him to make about $8-12mil per year over 3-4 years and never be good again following this fluky season.

MVP: 3B Alex Rodriguez (JB)

I don't care what place his team finished in our league, ARod is the only person worthy of an MVP vote. ARod went ... for the season. He singlehandedly won RBI's and guaranteed a top 3 finish in HR for many owners and somehow was frequently drafted in the middle of the 1st round in most leagues. The NY hate is not deserved. ARod is the best player in the game right now and will end up one of the 5 greatest of all time.

Cy Young: SP Johan Santana (GP)

Although Jake Peavy slightly outperformed him, I'm giving the nod to Johan. He lead the Red Devils to a near sweep of all pitching categories (65 out of 66 possible points) and had an immortal 4.52 K/BB ratio. Although CC and Kazmir bested him in the K categories, his "consistency" and importance to the best rotation in the league justify his choice for this award.

Thanks again to all of the owners who have been diligent through and including the last day of the season. As always, I look forward to next season and naming my next team after a newly deceased veteran.

2007 Baseball Predictions

Here are my predictions for the upcoming season.


American League

East

1. Yankees
2. Red Sox (WC)
3. Blue Jays
4. Orioles
5. D-Rays

Central

1. Indians
2. Twins
3. Tigers
4. White Sox
5. Royals

West

1. Angels
2. Athletics
3. Mariners
4. Rangers

National League

East

1. Mets
2. Braves (WC)
3. Marlins
4. Phillies
5. Nats

Central

1. Cardinals
2. Brewers
3. Cubs
4. Reds
5. Astros
6. Pirates

West

1. Padres
2. Dodgers
3. Giants
4. D-Backs
5. Rockies


Playoffs:

Yankees over Angels
Red Sox over Indians
Mets over Padres
Cardinals over Braves

Yankees over Red Sox
Mets over Cardinals

Yankees over Mets in 6 Games


AL MVP: 3B Alex Rodriguez
NL MVP: 1B Albert Pujols
AL Cy Young: SP Johan Santana
NL Cy Young: SP Jake Peavy
AL ROY: SP Daisuke Matsuzaka
NL ROY: OF Chris B. Young

Rethinking My Stance on Capitalism

Today I made a relatively simple relocation in order to embrace the virtuous servitude we all know and love as capitalism. The physical move and landlord-tenant issues were actually smooth and straight-forward. This article will give an honest narration and analysis of my infuriating contacts with basic telecom conglomerates that provide true insight into the gross ineptitude of this nation's service industries.

12:45 PM

A representative from Time Warner calls me. She alerts me that they're running ahead of schedule and can move up the installation of RoadRunner. I ask how soon the technician can be at my apartment. She says, "he's already waiting!" Confused, I explain to her that I wasn't prepared to install my computer network a mere 5 hours before the scheduled appointment. I then request he arrives around 2 o'clock. Annoyed, she quips "fine!" and hangs up.

1:43 PM

A greased up technician from Time Warner arrives earlier than I'd requested, but that's certainly better than the (typically occurring) alternative. The young man installs the modem. Or more precisely, admires my installation of the entire system before his arrival. He tests the signal strength and makes a trip outside to do something I should be doing at 3 AM tonite.

Scrubby TW guy returns and incessantly questions me about the location of my "mainframe." I still have no clue what he's referring to or why it'd improve anything involved with the installation process. The signal was plenty strong enough, and everything was working properly. Just to be a prick, I took him into the laundry room and pointed to the fuse box, asking if that was what he meant. He said "no, I dink iss in da attic." I then alerted him to the fact that my landlord would probably not approve of TW guys cracking boards and digging through his property without permission. He seemed perplexed and finally stopped mentioning whatever it was that he needed.

On the way out, I continued to test the signal strength and this remarkable conversation actually took place.

Me: "So does this also have the standard Time Warner 44K upload cap?"
TW Stiff: "What's a blue cap?"
Me: "Uhhh, nevermind."

4:03PM

I figured that Time Warner had gotten $52.50/mo for mediocre channels+ $3/mo for a generic prevue guide+ $7/mo for a cable box that does nothing except further advertise their own product+ $2/mo for a remote control that was worth $1.75 in 1992+ $12/mo for HBO that I watch 2 hours every 2 weeks. My new plan? You guessed it, outdated satellite tv!

I deduced, for $30/mo and still getting the same channels, it'd be worth it to have some clunky hardware and a few winter nites where I'm wiping 2 feet of snow from the dish so I can watch my 13th episode of Seinfeld that day. I erred.

I call Dish Network. Right off the bat, they try to charge me an extra $5/mo for a second receiver, despite the fact that the company website specifically states that two receivers come for the price of one. I let that go thinking the end justifies the means. Then, they run a credit check, which I somehow FAIL! Mind you, I've never not paid a bill and have had credit cards since 1999. Huh? I was just approved by credit checks for my gas and electric companies. What the hell can Dish Network see that they don't? The representative tells me their software is on the fritz and to call them back in an hour. "That sounds made up." I at least ask if I can have an account number to avoid rehashing the entire 20 minute registration period to begin the next call. He says no.

"Thanks for the least productive phone call ever. [Click]"

9:38 PM

I make my second call to Dish Network. The extended break should give me some time to cool off and assess other options should I mysteriously "fail" another credit check. I gave them all of my information again in a brisk 10 minutes. I then fail my second credit check today. What the hell is going on here?

I begin arguing with the customer service rep. I want to know what my score was and how much I failed by. He tells me he doesn't know and they outsource the credit checks from a company called Experian. Luckily for me, it costs money to get your credit score from Experian as a private individual, so I can't protest or have any idea as to what I've done wrong.

The representative next informed me I haven't obviously done enough GOOD things to build up my credit score. I inquired where he attained his MBA from. Predictably, there was silence on the other end of the phone. He told me he was sweet enough to get approved for a Best Buy credit card, so he must know what he's talking about.

He suddenly tried to give me the sales pitch about how none of this matters because I can just "lease" the dish equipment for a "small" fee of $150. Those mother fuckers. This was a bait-and-switch scam from the very beginning. Offer a sweet ass deal, then give a phony credit check to rope people in to signing a $45 "one-time charge" (which is actually an adhesion contract that charges customers $240 if you cancel prior to 18 months). I'm so pissed off.

I sheepishly deferred to his immense financial expertise and relayed that since my money was suspect, I'd be letting Time Warner cash my checks. My seedy financial record never seemed to bother them over the past 3+ years.

"Best Buy sucks. [Click]"

10:03 PM

What's this? An XBox Live charge of $49.95? I literally haven't used XBL for 2.5 years. I tried cancelling online 2 year ago and was redirected to a page asking me to sign a user agreement which wouldn't allow me to cancel! That's it, I'm officially on tilt!

I call in, asking to cancel and for a full refund on a service I haven't used in over two years. For the record, this was charged to my current credit card even though I had originally purchased XBL on a card that has since expired. Way to contact me first, Chase!

A Chinese accent? Lovely. This is going to be simple. I have nothing against the Chinese. In fact, I admire many of their cultural norms and rich history. But dealing with a harsh language barrier is borderline torturous. After a lengthy period where I was put on hold no fewer than 12 times, the rep then asked me whether I was sure it was an XBox 360 account. "Uhhh, no. Old XBox. That was like the third thing I told you." What a disaster.

Finally, after a 30 minute sparring session, I'm ready to go on to the cancellation department. Whew. It's only downhill from here, right? Wrong! Her superior officer had an even thicker accent and basic comprehension deficiencies. What kind of business is this?

Later, I was forced to endure a rapid-fire inquisition on the basis of my dissatisfaction with XBL. Here's a brief excerpt.

Me: "I don't like console video games. I'm not 12 anymore."
RAG: "Do you want to switch to a month to month subscription?"
Me: "Yep! Oh wait. No, I still want to cancel. I literally haven't played XBox in over 2 years. Can you just please credit me the payment back?"
RAG: "Is there anyone who you know that could take over your account?"
Me: "No. I want to be done with XBox forever."

Final call time: 52 Minutes, 17 Seconds.

11:40 PM

I didn't mean a word of it! I still love you, capitalism. If these inefficient, crass, and downright shoddy businesses are some of the most profitable in the entire world, there's hope for all of us! I'm just going to have to buy a few hundred shares of TWX so I can be the one who profits off of your cheap labor and utter disregard for customer satisfaction due to thriving regional monopolies.

If you can't beat 'em, gouge 'em!

Youth of a Nation: Part I - Mustang Reigns Supreme

I occasionally recall memories from my childhood which are indicative of the person I have become today. I have realized that none of my friends or family members have really changed one iota, from the time I was around 3 years old (the earliest moment I still have independent memories from) to the present day. When I relay these stories to interested parties, they typically find them humorous and am surprised I retain such vivid accounts of the times and incidents. The only other person I've seen outperform me in this area is my friend Jason (or Jr.), who was also an integral character in many of these boyhood endeavors.

The story I found myself daydreaming about tonite involves our infamous Matchbox car races. When Connie (my mother) would take me to Buehler's (our local grocery store) every Saturday morning, it would usually be under vehement protest. As is customarily a last resort for most parents and teachers who are confronted with hard-headed children that realize the authority figures lack true control, the only real way to pacify my ass was to bribe me. These gifts would typically come in one of two forms: either a new G.I. Joe figurine or a Matchbox car.

Naturally, I became restless just admiring my numerous cars after about a year and had to devise a competition to satisfy my boredom. My two best friends during this period were Jason and Patrick (Roy - pronounced "Wha," after the Goalie). Jason lived directly behind my house, and Roy lived diagonally from me across the street. At the time, I was obsessed with making lists and compiling statistics of anything and everything (e.g. baseball lineups, pro wrestling rankings from various promotions, backyard football and baseball performances, etc.).

A competition involving these cars that would be recorded seemed to be a natural remedy for two simulataneous itches. The object of the game was simple. Jason, Roy, and I would draft teams of cars and fling them down my driveway. Whomever's car went the furthest, won the race. The player that won the most races, wins the game. But if your car landed in my yard, it was "out of bounds" and that racer automatically got last in that heat.

Predictably, drafting and race tactics mirrored our personalities, both past and present. I usually had the first pack in the draft. Of course, I always selected Mustang. Mustang was indeed a Mustang known for her durability and reliable "to the street" distance each and every race. Jason usually got the 2nd pick and would choose a different car every time we played, hoping for new and unpredictable results. Roy ordinarily had the 3rd pick and 1st pick of Round 2. He'd select the two steady but unspectacular Jeeps. After the first two or three rounds, drafting transformed into a wrestling match to see who got certain inconsequential leftover cars.

Our throwing styles also reflected our levels of discipline. Roy was deliberate and careful. He almost never tossed a car into the grass. He would patiently nudge the Jeeps forward. And much like the tortoise, their slow and reliable movement would get them to the street each time for, at worst, a 2nd place result. Jason, on the other hand, was the exact opposite. Almost every "roll" involved a literal throwing of the car, hoping for a lucky bounce or sudden collision with an opponent's vehicle that would enable him to claim victory. I was somewhere in the middle in terms of patience and aggression. I frequently waited last to throw due to Jason's penchant for collisions, which later lead to the "1-2-3 throw" system being adopted. Afterwards, I'd record all results in my notebooks (which I still have in my closet) and mediate any disputes that arose during gameplay (these occurred approximately once every 15 minutes, at which point Jason would threaten to go home).

I would almost always come out the victor, whether it was legitimate or via some creative bookkeeping. After a few hours, we'd retreat to our separate homes and eat lunch. Thirty minutes later, we'd be in the backyard playing baseball until darkness fell. Summer days followed this pattern for several years.

Eventually, the games culminated with the death of Mustang (her axle had become bent) and the realization that we were too old to race cars and keep track of who had won. Apparently millions of people still haven't had this revelation yet. Either way, those were great, stress-free days on my driveway. I'd like to think I still owe some of my past, present, and future expectations of success to the tough times that Mustang's repeated gutsy performances got me through in the days of yore.