Edie Kept the Moaning to a Minimum

Thank God he's awake. Although it made little medical sense, it's nice to have the Boss back. I think it's safe to say that my view on his dreamland representing purgatory rather than the popular online sentiment of the hotel as hell, was correct. I have no problems with the inclusion of Tony B. and Meadow crying in the background during the dream sequence. That makes sense! And it deals with the Sopranos universe instead of a boring Buddhist lawsuit.

I was glad that they pushed Vito's greed and discontent with the power vacuum. The fact that he was Phil Leotardo's cousin was just too much for me to ignore when coming up with my list of potential baddies for this season. I'm expecting a Vito/Phil vs. Bobby/Chris showdown eventually. Paulie's short fuse may cause some other external fallout.

I have mixed feelings about Silvio's ineptitude as acting boss. On the one hand, it builds up Tony's respect and power as the "man." However, it does seem puzzling that a consigliere (often admired/promoted due to their levelheadedness and intelligence) would be so deficient as a temporary boss. I'm ok with it as long as Sil gets another push (e.g. the badass capping of Adriana last season). Although Episode 3 was still tame compared to the ***** finale of The Shield, it was a nice recovery that should allow the show to head in several entertaining directions for the remainder of the season.

Natalee's Still Shark Bait

I'm really sick of the Natalee Holloway story. Nevermind the fact that it's only been a news story for 10 months because she looks like a squad leader in the Hitler Youth. The real reason is because any reasonable viewer knows what happened and is tired of these boring retreads. Greta Van Newjaw really needs to stop with the tabloid reporting.

Natalee was drinking with Joran that nite. Please stop denying this or playing stupid, Beth Twitty (aptly named). Natty then either willingly took X or was unknowingly drugged (not really relevant). Afterwards, she was mauled by Joran and the creepy Indian brothers. Regardless of the torrid details, I don't see consent being likely. I'd imagine she either overdosed or struggled with the boys. They panicked and either struck her or she lost consciousness. At this point, daddy was called. She was likely buried in the vast sand dunes (which still haven't been thoroughly searched?). Then, when the ever-so-wise Aruba PD arrested the first two black guys they saw (figures) and gave them 48 long hours out of public scrutiny, Team Van Der Slut moved the body, chopped her to pieces, and fed what remained of blondie to the nearest sharks.

Why is it relevant that some investigator thinks the official cause of death was due to overdose rather than hitting her with a bat? It's still going to be manslaughter (or negligent homicide, at best), either way you slice it, Hansel. The best case scenario is that they forgot to chop her with a Jimmy John's meat slicer, and she's still in the dunes someplace. Even with a body, you have the same case. The boys left her on the beach and still lack the same character they did since the story broke. My solution is simple and painless: none of my future children may travel to Aruba or watch the first 20 minutes of Greta for as long as I shall live.

Statutory Rape: Felony or Rite of Passage?

My biggest beef of the nite involves the pathetic conclusion to the Debra LaFave case. I'm fed up with the gender hypocrisy and antiquated stereotypes plaguing American views on statutory rape. This was a clear case of a sane adult woman having sex with a 14 year-old minor for pure lust and adventure. When a grizzled old man does this, he gets labeled a sex offender for life and serves 15-25 years in prison. Why is this any different?

Girls are considered pure, innocent, easily corrupted by older men, and largely incapable of making autonomous sexual decisions. Boys, on the other hand, will be boys. Experimentation and landing an older woman is part of the learning curve and ammo for bragging rights, not a traumatic experience. It's unfair and contrary to what social science teaches us. Girls, on average, attain sexual and social maturity faster than boys. Chalking aberrant behavior up to some strange notion of "seduction" is absurdity. Seduction typically involves "enticing someone astray from right behavior or just winning love or sexual favors from someone." Why is the man always the seducer? This is just not the reality of modern relationships. Women and men have free will to have sex with who they want. I'm not going to sit here and say 14 year-olds can freely consent, but there should be consistency in determining what sexual deeds go unpunished and which result in the ruination of lives. In my eyes, no 19 year-old boy engaging in sexual activity with a 16 year-old girl should be demonized, while a 25 year-old woman who mounts a 14 year-old boy gets rewarded with a 6 figure nude-modeling contract.

Is anything more illustrative of these bemoaned stereotypes than the defense tactics in this case? First, they began by repeatedly referring to LaFave's fragile nature and potential for abuse due to her attractive appearance. Those pleas frequently succeed when male pedophiles enter prison and are violently assaulted by inmates. Next, LaFave claimed insanity. I believe this related to the tangential excuses regarding her "bipolar disorder;" but without expert testimony, no trauma or any intoxication, that had no chance of success. Plus, she had sex with the boy several times (even in the presence of other students). In any event, courts have repeatedly emphasized strict liability on knowledge requirements regarding sexual relations with minors in the past, so I don't see why it wouldn't extend these rigid standards to any contrived excuse Ms. LaFave might make. But alas, a plea deal with no jail time was struck. The reasonable judge, seeing the immense hypocrisy and admissions of guilt by Ms. LaFave, found the plea deal unconscionable. After all, how can one concede guilt to statutory rape and only end up with probation? Finally, the victim just gave up and preferred to not testify rather than put LaFave behind bars.

Let me be clear, I'm not necessarily saying LaFave should be serving 20 years or walking free. I just want a system where the same penalties are handed out to offenders regardless of gender. If the media and prosecutors are unwilling to comply, I'd hope fair-minded feminists and legal scholars would agree with me. Otherwise, I may be forced to conclude these actors may be operating with Machiavellian goals of destroying any and all paternalistic influences in our society without regard to fairness and consistency. And we all know that isn't the case, right?

Vic Mackey Rides Another Day

Wow, after disappointments over the past few days, The Shield's finale [SPOILER ALERT] hit one out of the park. I did not see the twist coming until Shane appeared distraught as he went for Lem's food. The scene between Walton Goggins and Kenny Johnson was A+, Godfather-caliber acting. Shane's tearful apology while Lem's charred body faded into unconsciousness was just so well done. And the final fistfight between Vic and Kavanaugh followed by Vic's promise to avenge Lem was just perfect. Did Vic have prior knowledge, or was Shane fulfilling last season's role as the most selfish Strike Team member? I can't wait to find out.

Meanwhile, the Reds continue to cannibalize their team. They traded a live arm with pretty good control for a third Catcher with literally no upside. Unless Jason LaRue gets unloaded for Johan Santana, I'm baffled yet again. 76-86, anyone?

24 Just Got Nipped by a Hammerhead

This was a disappointing nite of television to say the least. 24, Raw, and the futility of the Cincinnati Reds are the current targets of my disdain.

24 (SPOILER ALERT) began by ruining the Fifth Season with the untimely and lame death of Tony Almeida. I just don't understand how Tony dies from 1/10th the dosage of the same "truth serum" which was incapable of even keeping Henderson in a coma last week. And don't human beings have sternums? That reminds me, where the hell is Henderson? His escape from CTU was not addressed this week, for some odd reason. Tony has defied all odds and been Jack's right-hand man especially through the past three seasons. How can you write off the show's rogue badass with a weak syringe to the chest? They brought Carlos Bernard back to essentially walk around in a hospital gown for three episodes and croak? On top of that, (my #1) Elisha Cuthbert exited with little fanfare and sex appeal. She had, what, 7 lines in the past two weeks? At least they introduced her worthless, Jim Rome wannabe boyfriend. This show is headed downhill fast and knocking off main characters is not adding to the enjoyment level. Thank God THE SHIELD will show these other programs how it's done tomorrow nite in the blockbuster season finale.

Raw was really an average show in every regard. The Triple Threat Match with RVD/Flair/Shelton was a nice tv match with a creative finish when Benjamin covered Flair as he applied the Figure 4 to RVD, but where is the other wrestling action? I'm sick of the McMahons bloviating on the microphone for the first 15 minutes of Raw. How many times does Shawn Michaels have to be squashed before Vince's ego is adequately padded? If this angle doesn't lead to Bret Hart coming out at Wrestlemania, I'll be sorely disappointed. I'm really looking forward to Edge-Foley at Mania. I miss high spots in the sport, and Edge is very underrated.

On to the scourge of Major League Baseball, the Reds... What the hell is going on in their front office? They're trading a 24 year-old right-handed corner OF capable of 40 HR power to a team we're likely going to be battling for a Wild Card. In return, they've landed an average 4th starter with a career ERA of 4.59. Arroyo is 29 and a flyball pitcher. Anyone who's witnessed Eric Milton and Ramon Ortiz being treated like Job in GABP should realize that this is NOT a good indicator of things to come. Do the Reds really see the 1B platoon of Hatteberg/Aurilia as an upgrade over Pena? Is this punishment for Pena defying management and playing for the Dominican Republic in the WBC (Griffey---hypocrites)? The constant failure to develop young talent or properly rebuild makes me laugh. They're a business spending minimal money to put a third-rate product on the field just barely good enough to deceive the ignorant masses into thinking they have a chance in the NL Central by signing 4-5 grizzled veterans per Spring. I'll be at the stadium rooting for good slapstick humor in a month, Reds' fans. Because of today's gaffe there should be more flyballs over our heads in the hot RF Wall seats we usually occupy. Go Tribe!

The Gadfly Commences

Well, I guess I'll finally concede intellectual defeat and join the world of generic blogging. People have often complimented my previous forays into web design, so hopefully this is pleasurable to some (if not most). A few things are preoccupying my thoughts on this dreary March nite.

First off, what's the deal with the Sopranos? SPOILER WARNING. I just can't respect a show that takes two years off then dumps filler in the second episode of the season. I predicted this shitty dream sequence at the close of last week's gut-wrenching season premiere. Do the writers really think the metaphors of Tony being attached to his "business briefcase" and extramarital contemplations (only to be awaken by a must-have procedure---wink, wink, he can't divorce Carm) are clever? I should just be thankful Annette Bening didn't make another inexplicable cameo.

My Season Six predictions were as follows: A.J. would be forced into the "life" (A.J. = Tony, weaknesses and all), Chrissy would have his tragic downfall (either due to his Sonny Corleone-esque temper or his proximity to Tony's throne), Vito becomes the internal antagonist (the homosexuality and indifference towards Tony are good seeds), Phil Leotardo as the main baddie (he's still pissed about Tony B.), and Uncle Jun slips into the darkness. I know it's early, but get your ass in gear, Chase.

My bracket is officially mush. I do like my Final 4 picks (Duke, UCLA, Nova, UCONN) but losing two Elite 8 teams (KU, MSU) after the first weekend isn't going to cut it. I have UCONN over UCLA in the final. About a half dozen others do as well, so my relative gains on the field are in the shitter.

I'm so ready for baseball. I don't think I've been this excited for a season to begin since 1997. The Tribe should be contending for at worst a Wild Card spot. With Burnett hurt, the Jays are extremely vulnerable. They were already going to have some chemistry problems with the NL--->AL adjustments and their odd park. The severity of the injury is definitely being downplayed due to attendance/hype concerns. I guess if I dumped about $200 million into an investment (Burnett, Molina, Ryan, Glaus, Overbay), I wouldn't feel too guilty about deceiving consumers either.

It's Spring Break, so I'll give the frequent posting a shot. I just got done lifting. As such, I'm in more of a sports-related mode. I'll wait a few days to rant on V for Vendetta's anarchist paradoxes and the myth of the bird flu. Thanxxx for reading.